Maybe MIT was the friends we made along the way?

In high school my friends nicknamed me Tony Stark. To them I was a bit brash, loud, and loved tinkering with technology. Each of my friends in my friend group also named themselves after an Avenger, because it was one of our favorite pieces of media. We would even mail each other letters with our Avenger nicknames written on them; it was a respite over the mundane piles of schoolwork that we had to do during the week.

It was all fun and games until my parents would read who the letter was addressed to.

Tony Stark was a boy's name. I'm not a boy, am I? Why can't it be a girl's name?

I could spend all day recounting about my high school days and how I didn't get along with my parents, how strict they were, how annoyed I was, and how we just didn't see eye-to-eye on many issues. And for the record, the answers to the questions above are: Yes I'm aware, no I'm not, and because I don't want it to be. Tony Stark is a smart-ass, Tony Stark gets to build things, Tony Stark gets to impact the world around him, as opposed to me, fighting an uphill battle on why I can't just use a silly name with my friends. Tony Stark doesn't have to put up with this. Tony Stark can be himself. Why can't I?

Tony Stark went to MIT...

I didn't know about MIT until I watched the Iron Man movies. I was horrible at doing my own research for colleges because I didn't know what to look for or who to ask for more information. It didn't help that  I was in the midst of trying to prove to my family that Computer Science wasn't a 'fun little hobby' anymore but an actual plausible degree path. I had no idea what a "good college for computer science" actually meant, and the "Best Computer Science Schools for 20XX" never gave me the information I was truly looking for. "What does it mean to go to college?"

My family wanted me to stay close to them when I went to college, so they really encouraged me to try for schools near my parents and extended family. I applied, and gave it my best shot, but my heart was never in it. I applied to schools slightly further away from my parents, I made sure they were private school so my extended family could approve of them, and I made sure that they had decent computer science programs (basically, anything with "tech" in the name). "Going to college", to me, was just about moving out so I could move on with my life... I wanted the ability to be myself and grow as a person without the watchful eye of my family. I consider that to be perfectly normal reasoning for a high-schooler to want to go to college. I just wanted to know that there was a place somewhere where I could be myself, and make friends who also liked messing around with computers.

I didn't apply to MIT for the academics. It was only a 'good school' because people just said it was a 'good school'. MIT was a place where students could be themselves and the school would support them. It was a place where I could go and knew I would belong somewhere, as did everyone else. I could go out and explore the lively city of Boston that I fell in love with as a kid. Students play pranks on the school, they can paint on the walls, they can blog about their day freely, they can be a women in STEM, they can be LGBTQ+, they can even be a fictional character that builds robots and saves the world. They can study what they want and still have fun. It sounds simple enough but that felt like a dream to me back then.

I didn't get into MIT, but that's okay, because I got into some of my other colleges of my choice. No problem, just pay tuition and...

There's a story here about not being able to afford any of the colleges I applied to, having to fight the stigma of community college to my own family, being outed, failing my first class, and having to switch out of my degree program just to graduate. But that's a story for another day. I was able to move on with my life, move out, grow as a person, discover my hobbies, meet new people, and make new friends. I'm happy with where I am and wouldn't change a thing.

Sometimes I still think about MIT. I've learned now about how academically challenging it really is and the real sacrifice that education entails. I've also learned that for me, it's not just about the academics, but the student life as well. I want to know that what I do still matters to someone, even if it’s just one person who believes that. Somewhere in this world there is a place where you belong, and I promise you will find it. If it ever seems impossible to find, then maybe you just have to make it yourself.